When I am painting icons I am brought to a space of deep contemplation. I contemplate not only the effect of a particular pigment on the board, and the precise way to hold the brush, but also the face of the divinity which is slowly appearing before me.
Mary’s loving gaze is cast outwards, towards the world, whilst the infant Jesus looks upwards towards heaven, towards God. As artist, I concentrate on trying to achieve the right tilt of the head, the shape of the eyelids and eyebrows, the light in the corners of the eyes, the positioning of the hands, the tone of the skin, the placement of the shadows. Moving from darkness to light, I layer the painting, carefully, lovingly, so as to accentuate particular details and integrate the various skin tones. It is not an easy task. But it is meditative and prayerful, training patience and honing new ways of looking.
It is not a quick job. But it is rewarding. It is magical. Applying gold leaf as ornamentation on clothing is called ‘assist’. As I brush away the excess gold leaf, the patterns emerge as if by magic, to reveal exquisite details and light. Gold is symbolic of divine light; it’s not just a colour in icon painting. According to Iconographer Aidan Hart:
“As background the gold shows that it is in God that we “live and move and have our being”, as Saint Paul said. God is like the water within which all creation swims like fish in the ocean. The gold halo represents the Holy Spirit’s indwelling of the saint, the shekenah glory of God shining from within. When used as assist the gold represents the material world being transfigured by God. The lines thus do not denote superficial decoration, but rather an inner, transforming presence of the Divine within the inimate world.”
There is a sense of homecoming for me in icon painting. A return to the essence, whatever that might mean. Worldly cares dissolve as there is just me and the painting. As a novice I am still learning about colours, pigments and the qualities of materials. Zen beginner’s mind is the right attitude to bring to this craft.
I notice a turning from the complexities of worldly issues, refugee problems, asylum injustices, war and upheaval, towards beauty, the simplicity of learning a craft. I am not turning my back on the world; just relating differently to it. As I become older, facing the death of parents, of friends who lose parents – two friends lost their parents in the last few of weeks – not to mention illnesses in close circles, the spectre and reality of death looms closer. Living a good life, full of integrity, is more urgent than ever.
I be-wonder the strength of female ancestors, several of whom were abandoned by their husbands and partners and left to fend alone with their children. Reading their records in the poor houses of London, these are fractions of stories which have been lost forever. I can piece together fragments of their histories through census records showing occupations like match box maker, hawker, and flower seller, or ponder entrance records to the work house which speak of abandonment and destitution. They must have survived on sheer grit and will power. Some lost half or more of their offspring before adulthood. I cannot find what happened to many, as the poorest of the poor were the least likely to have their stories recorded.
On presenting Jesus in the temple, Simeon spoke to Mary and Joseph:
“This child is destined for the falling and the rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be opposed so that the inner thoughts of many may be revealed – and a sword will pierce your own soul, too.” (Luke 2:34-35)
How many mothers have had their souls pierced? How many are being pierced right now? By war, poverty, hunger, torture, misguided choices, and the list goes on. As we hold our children close, we want the best for their lives. Perhaps the soul is boundless. It can hold everything, even broken hearts and its own piercing.
I have been contemplating the words of Suzuki Roshi on our ‘inmost request’, as the desire which is most closely aligned with our true path. It feels like it encompasses union with God, if we speak in Christian terms. Or the inner room of Theresa of Avila’s ‘interior castle’.
What brings us to know, discover, feel and accept this inmost request?
The older I get, the more I see the truth in Socrate’s words that “the unexamined life is not worth living”. He also said “care for your soul as if you were going to die tomorrow”.
Unexamined lives, not knowing our inmost request, fear of living a whole-some life, is what is killing our planet. It sounds rather dramatic, but it brings me back to a dream I had recently. I awoke with the words “Dissect the surface”. We long for deep connections, yet the modern world is surface oriented. It is oriented towards the packaging, not the content.
I don’t watch TV. It’s mind-numbing. Programme after programme to trick people into the ignorance of looking at outward form rather than interior substance. This is how poverty is maintained, not to mention the class system. And whilst it takes more than knowing oneself to change entire systems of injustice and oppression, this is where we must start. Because systems are maintained for the most part by people leading unexamined lives. Once we examine our lives, our values and principles and choose to live in alignment – to take care of our souls and honour our inmost request – we could not bear to work or collude with such systems.
Painting icons is nourishment for the soul. In itself it is a form of personalised spiritual direction. A well-being ritual. I think of spiritual direction in terms of wholeness. As the practice and art of soul retrieval – a return to unity with the whole self and beyond. As all world religions teach, we are not separate. I am not separate from the icon I am painting. With every stroke I enter into relationship with the divine. It goes beyond the technique, beyond the form, right to the depths of my inmost request.
What is your inmost request? And how do you nourish it? How might you be colluding against your own soul’s desires? In what ways do you live an (un)examined life?
I enjoyed the call to action to look within, and to examine one’s life.
Waow! I’ve never met before someone who do icons painting. That must be a very profound spiritual act. I have a friend right now who’s a contemporary dance teacher and turned his danse towards embodying Jesus through his teachings. I find that fabulous, how everything can be used to return to God.